Motivation…. it started out as competition, before they cared.
Brent cooked independently …. and got lots of attention from visitors for it. The other guys started cooking.
Ray brought home a paycheck and bought himself his own junk food and CD’s. The other guys requested that their support workers take them job hunting.
Jose made a conscious effort to change his eating habits and lost a ton of weight…. everyone who knew him before showered him with compliments. The guys started dropping waist sizes and talking about food choices at dinner .
Andy volunteers at the library and checks out books that he reads each night after dinner. The others wanted their own pile of library books.
Before they really cared about each other, they just wanted what the others had. Their motivation began as a competition… for attention, for money, for books. It got them off the couch temporarily, but that type of motivation just doesn’t go very deep. The anxiety, anger, melt-downs, sensitivities, intolerance, mistrust… still front and center. They just had more books.
Almost two years ago…the guys started out as a group of pudgy overweight, unmotivated, anxiety-ridden gang of couch potatoes. Except Brent… older than the others by at least 10 years….healthy, fit, and motivated to work from sun-up to sundown, had hobbies and filled his leisure time… He has lived here on the farm for 18 years.
Brent has most of the same difficulties as the others …. anxiety and melt-downs, sensitivities and intolerance. But he doesn’t have the mistrust that the others have, and his behaviors are rarely directed towards the guys. He really likes his housemates, and he was the first to show that he cared, no matter how much the other guys were acting out.
Brent is also quiet…. he sits at dinner listening, rarely contributing to conversation. Everyone else battles to get a word in. And every other guy has SOMETHING about him that annoys the others. But Brent?… there appears to be nothing about him that is annoying to the other guys. So Brent became the one that everyone bonded with first. Coming to his defense when it seemed like he might need it, always watching out for him and making sure he got his share…..they TRUSTED him.
They see how hard he works, without complaining … ever. They can see that he doesn’t need to be begged, prodded or lectured to about adult responsibilities in a household. They see that when the arguments are about whose dishes are in the sink and who should load them, he just gets up and does it. And they see that he earns a decent amount of money each week because of the extra work he does.
They also see that he keeps most of his personal ‘stim-stuff’ to himself when he is out in the community. No one forces that issue. He wants certain things from those he comes in contact with… so he makes an effort to understand the people he meets and has learned to express his needs in a way that can be understood. His desires are rarely ‘typical’…..they usually involve checking out the heating systems in people’s houses, or asking questions about their car keys. But he has learned to do it in a way that endears himself to almost everyone he meets.. EVERYONE loves Brent.
His maturity and work ethic shine in everything Brent does. He makes the other guys want to better themselves.
There is a turning point in young adulthood, with or without a disability. A point at which your motivation changes from doing something because someone older expects you to, to acting on something just because it’s the right thing to do.
A few weeks ago, Jose started getting up in the morning on his own, giving himself an hour before his staff showed up. He started making his own coffee, and real homemade oatmeal from scratch (with frozen strawberries blended in yummm), the way he has been taught over the past year. and when he is finished now…. he loads his dishes and checks to see if the dishwasher needs to be run, and TURNS IT ON if it needs it.
He turns on the dishwasher now, just because it needs to be run. Seems like a small thing, right?